Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize