and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
