this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
