I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize