Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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