there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
