i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
is it fun? or sober?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
