Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
