Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
