look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
