this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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