I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
