got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
