Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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