it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
