I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
