do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
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it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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