Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize