i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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