She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
