she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
