You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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