I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
