never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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