im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
