Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
