A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
