I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
