I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
