Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
