Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize