apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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