I bet he comes in French.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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