I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
