New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
