I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
