Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
