So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
