i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
