It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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