Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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