watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
