do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
