4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
