She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
