He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
