Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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