please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
pray to the hookup gods
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
