when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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