I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
