I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
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It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I currently don't understand fingers.
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