I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
In America we eat man semen.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
