after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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