Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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