Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I am one with the molecules
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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