sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
