It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
