I wish my penis had an off switch
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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