In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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