you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
