He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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